Forgiveness, To Move Forward Is To Find The Meaning In The Suffering- Vayechi 5783

“Forgiveness does not mean ignoring what has been done or putting a false label on an evil act. It means, rather, that the evil act no longer remains as a barrier to the relationship. Forgiveness is a catalyst creating the atmosphere necessary for a fresh start and a new beginning,”

 Martin Luther King Jr.

Forgiveness is a hard process to get to. It can be painful as it means you are dealing with the very thing that caused you suffering. When you get there- to forgive, it has extremely healing power. Forgiveness looks different to the various situations and people. Sometimes, to forgive means to understand we are humans and we make mistakes, a simple I’m sorry does the trick. Other times, such as sexual or physical abuse, it is ourselves we must forgive. 

We have all experienced hurt from another. Different situations calls for different approaches to forgive. When a husband betrays a wife, after the apology, trust must be gained. The building of trust gives credit to be able to forgive. The wife can see the husband was truly sorry for what he did as he amends for it. For families of homicide victims, forgiveness happens only after a resolution has taken place that accounts for their victim. Whichever way forgiveness results, the one thing it has in common is that the person has to come to the conclusion to want to forgive. It’s a decision. 

Let Go, But First 

To truly forgive and let go of any negative energy from the act that hurt us, we have to come to a resolution with the other person we are happy with. Otherwise, if we think we can forgive and forget about it while leaving an unresolved issue, the energy still has a grip on us. Unresolved situations, leaves wounds of resentment or negative energy in our bodies. “The body keeps the score” brilliantly makes light of this phenomena in which our minds try to desperately move on from the trauma but the body keeps us trapped in that energy leading to cancers, autoimmune disorders and different illness. 

The Search For Meaning and Forgiveness

A vital aspect to aid in forgiving is divine providence and the search for meaning. The trauma that happened to us, happened because we were meant to experience that painful act and grow stronger from it. That act created the space or lack in ourselves to push us forward to our destination. Viktor Frankel, the creator of logotherapy, states that in our suffering we find meaning and as a result create a space of will and meaning in our lives. We forgive and understand our suffering because it was intended for something bigger. This is a hard concept for those suffering from trauma. When you tap on that, forgiveness, to let go of anger or grudge, is an empowering act. 

In this weeks Parsha, Joseph illustrates this beautifully. Jacob dies, and the brothers feared Joseph would now take overdue revenge after their father’s death. The brothers sold Joseph as a slave to the Egyptians, it’s probable they thought Joseph was not sincere in his forgiveness and was waiting for the proper moment to avenge. But, we see Joseph was indeed sincere. In fact, it was Joseph’s ability to let go and see the meaning behind his suffering that allowed him to rise to high rank. 

“Joseph said to them, “Don’t be afraid, for am I instead of God? Indeed, you intended evil against me, [but] God designed it for good, in order to bring about what is at present to keep a great populace alive.”

God’s Hand 

This is a great message for us, in order to move forward and transform to good, find the divine providence, find the meaning in the suffering. When we see it in this perspective, the forgiving flows easily. We are no longer angry at the perpetrator, we see them as a messenger to exert us forward. God designed that situation just as it happened so we can rise and be a light onto others. 

To move forward as a people, we have to find meaning in the suffering and forgive each other and ourselves. We all have different situations where we have been hurt by another. If we understand that it was designed that way to make us into greater people, we can have compassion for the one who hurt us, and we empower ourselves. Joseph teaches us it can be done, and when its accomplished, we become a great nation.