How to Elevate Yourself Through Praise

In school I remember when a teacher complimented an achievement,  I would cheer up and feel proud.  Even if it was a small detail like cleanliness and sentence structure. No doubt I would want to always turn in a flawless paper. I would add every punctuation where it needed to go, indentation, and write more. This was because this praise in effort excelled me to want to do better. Researcher and author of the Growth mindset Carol S. Dwech found in her research that when children are praised for effort, they became more confident in their abilities and as a result they were motivated to take on more challenging problems. This is a profound discovery in education; through praise in effort, we focus on the good that is happening. The praise in turn pushes kids to do better, to elevate their learning or grow in what they’re engaging with. This is an astounding lesson for all; through praise we can elevate ourselves to a higher plane. Praise motivates us to keep doing and become better at it. 

 In her book, the growth mindset, Carol emphasizes not all praise is the same. Praise in qualities like intelligence is counterproductive. While praise in effort leads to a growth mindset, to an innate desire to improve. 

 The right kind of praise is a powerful tool in education and self-improvement. Praise when used effectively, encourages people to do better, it motivates continuous growth, it boosts self-esteem and builds confidence. 

Light Overcomes Darkness 

When thought of this way, it makes total sense we should focus on strength and praise those things we do well. Only then we will elevate our self-esteem and actions. Yet, we naturally see the negative, we see what we lack, and we want to fix. Stop seeing the dark. Focus on reinforcing the good so that the good becomes strong and skills we lack slowly get better as they are overwhelmed with awesomeness.  

 When our child is not excelling in a subject but is doing wonderful in all others, we should focus on the good they are doing. The effort they are making in the classes they are doing well in, the well-mannered behaviors, their willingness to help and care for others. This way we focus on what they are doing right not on what is missing about them. 

 This concept of focusing on strength is based in positive psychology and progressive educational philosophies. It is rooted in the Torah, Parshat Ki Tavo, tells us to praise our good deeds is a mitzvah. In the times of the Beis Hamikdash, we were obligated to bring an offering of the first fruits to the temple and make a declaration we are fulfilling the deed. During the tithing declaration, we said we gave to the poor, and the orphan. We observed God’s commandments and followed in his ways; we are good people. We made the choice to put God’s will first. In this confession we are not only fulfilling a commandment because God wanted to hear what we did; he knows what we’ve done. It is for us to hear the good we have done, to hear we are beautiful, we our selfless, we can get the job done, we are capable and in essence, we are good hearted people looking to be connected to God. 

 Positive Thinking Builds Confidence 

The Jewish nation was commanded the tithing declaration to remind us we can elevate our surroundings with our actions. We are innately a people that want to help others and accomplish a mission. We remind ourselves we can do it. 

 This is a profound lesson in parshat Ki Tavo, we need to tell ourselves we are amazing from time to time. Forget what we lack, focus on all of what you did do. This is the lesson for us and a powerful tool in educating our children. Look at the good, and it will be good. 

 When Carol Dwech discovered praise in effort works to motivate and develop a growth mindset, it also became clear that our human need to connect to others propelled us to improve our actions. This praise and acknowledgement of how good we are is key to our success. We are beautiful, good, we are capable, we can do it.