When to Persist and When to Let Go: Find Balance Between Persistence and Acceptance

At different times in life, we encounter events or goals that we deeply desire, things that we feel a persistent drive to achieve. Sometimes, we spend months or even years working toward these aspirations, praying fervently, yet nothing seems to change. The question then arises: how do we know when to keep pushing forward, persistently striving toward our goal, and when it’s time to change direction, to let go in a sense?

These challenges often arise at critical phases in our lives, usually in the areas that affect us the most. It could be a situation involving our children, such as when to stop trying to get a child into a special program or school. Or it might be recognizing that we can no longer afford to keep our home. Perhaps it’s deciding whether to continue working on a marriage—one we vowed to honor ’till death do us part—that is slowly eroding our emotional or psychological well-being.

Redirecting our efforts can be incredibly challenging, especially when we’re conditioned not to quit. Changing course can feel like giving up, and the line between the two is often blurred. How do we discern when to keep trying, to trust that God will come through and provide a lifeline? And how do we know when it’s time to consider other options, to recognize that the answer might be “no”?

Knowing when to persist and when to stop trying is one of the most challenging aspects of spiritual and personal growth. It requires awareness, reflection, and sometimes guidance from others. Interestingly, this very dilemma is how Parsha Va’etchanan begins. Moses recalls his pleas (Deuteronomy 3:23-27): 

“I entreated the Lord at that time, saying, ‘Please let me cross over and see the good land that is on the other side of the Jordan, that good hill country and Lebanon.’ But the Lord was angry with me because of you, and He would not listen to me. The Lord said to me, ‘Enough from you; do not speak to Me of this matter again.’”

Moses finds himself in a similar predicament. He deeply desires to enter the Promised Land, but he is told he cannot. We can empathize with Moses—after all his efforts in guiding the Israelites, overcoming countless obstacles, how could he not see the land he worked so hard to reach? How could he not step foot in the Promised Land?

Parsha Va’etchanan: Moses and the Promised Land

For those of us accustomed to beseeching God in our daily matters—whether it’s regarding financial, health, or familial decisions—Moses’ plea to enter the Promised Land might seem relatable, even ordinary. In tough times, it’s natural to turn to our Creator first. However, the difference with Moses is that he received a direct response from God. As difficult as it was to hear, Moses accepted God’s answer: “no.” God Himself asked Moses to stop speaking about the matter.

Moses understood that his pleas would not change the outcome; the decision had been made. He needed to surrender to God’s will and focus on the next step, which God also made clear to him:

“Go up to the top of the hill and lift up your eyes westward and northward and southward and eastward and see with your eyes, for you shall not cross this Jordan. But command Joshua and strengthen him and encourage him, for he will cross over before this people, and he will make them inherit the land which you will see.”

Unlike Moses, we don’t always receive clear, direct answers from God. We don’t hear His voice guiding us with specific instructions. This uncertainty is part of life’s journey, what some might call the “game of life.” We learn by choosing, acting, making mistakes, failing, succeeding, and experiencing everything in between. Yet, we are never truly alone in this process. God is with us every step of the way, watching over us, indirectly guiding us and communicating through events, circumstances, people, inner conflicts, and values.

So, how do we discern when to persist and when to accept? While we may not have the clarity Moses received, there are principles that can offer guidance in navigating these crucial decisions.

When to Persist – The Value of Determination

Jewish teachings often guide us toward persistence in achieving our goals. Consider the story of Joseph, who never lost trust that God was with him through every challenge. It was as if Joseph understood that God was present in those very challenges. His perseverance led him to become the keeper of Potiphar’s house, survive imprisonment, and eventually rise to the position of viceroy of Egypt. Joseph was determined to keep going, no matter the obstacles.

Similarly, Moses’ story is one of miracles and defying the impossible. Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt even when all odds seemed stacked against them. The Torah teaches us that with God’s help, the supernatural can be achieved. We are encouraged to trust that God can bend natural laws because nothing is too small or too big for His mighty power. The concept of “Chutzpah K’lapei Shmaya”—boldness toward Heaven—illustrates this, as seen when Moses stood up to God on behalf of the “stubborn” Israelites.

Our faith guides us to consistent effort and prayer, urging us never to give up. It is God’s will for us to pray to Him for our needs, and in our prayers, we are reminded to recall the miracle of the Exodus and all the wonders God has performed for us. When we align our actions and goals with God’s will, persistence flows naturally. We feel in our bodies that we are doing the right thing, and we are energized to keep progressing toward our goals. However, this focus can sometimes become our Achilles’ heel, as we may narrow our view to only one option.

The true work in perseverance is to make the effort, create the vessel, and then let go—surrender. If God wills that path, after sufficient effort, it will happen. This process also requires honesty with ourselves: Have we truly given it our all? Are our efforts extending beyond our capacity, or are we still within our comfort zone? This can be a painful process, where an objective perspective is invaluable. Consulting with a friend or mentor can broaden our minds, help us honestly assess our efforts, and offer new ways to process the situation.

Recognizing When to Let Go – The Wisdom of Acceptance

After thoroughly assessing our situation and efforts, the sensible course of action may be to let go. Many things in life, if not most, are beyond our control, and recognizing this simple fact is a crucial aspect of spiritual growth. Challenges come our way for a reason—they strengthen us through the experience of enduring them.

Jewish teachings also remind us of our responsibility to develop trust in God, understanding that not everything will go our way. We are encouraged to listen to our inner voice and pay attention to the inner turmoil we often feel while trying to keep up with modern society. When we are willing to listen and seek guidance, the answers become clearer—whether through life events, advice from mentors, or the subtle nudges we sense in our hearts. If doors keep closing, it might be time to shift focus and explore other possibilities, just as Moses did. In doing so, we may discover that the alternative path was the better choice all along. 

Moreover, acceptance doesn’t mean passivity or resignation; rather, it is an active engagement with reality. Letting go requires a deep inner strength, one that acknowledges our limitations while still maintaining hope and trust in the unfolding of God’s plan. It involves releasing our grip on a specific outcome and opening ourselves to the broader possibilities that life may offer. In this way, acceptance becomes a form of spiritual resilience—a trust that, even if our original plans don’t come to fruition, there is a greater purpose at work, and our journey continues with new opportunities for growth and fulfillment. 

Practical Guidance for Life’s Challenges

During times of such dilemmas, it’s crucial to turn inward and pray. Prayer can open the door to clarity and insight. It’s also important to seek advice from friends, mentors, rabbis, or other trusted individuals. These people can offer fresh perspectives and help you see new possibilities that you might not have considered.

Once you’ve sought counsel and assessed whether you’ve done all you can, it’s time to consider new opportunities and paths forward. However, it’s important to remember that clarity and the right opportunities may not appear immediately. Patience is key—sometimes, the answers we seek require time to unfold. Trust in the timing of events and allow yourself the space to process what you’ve learned. This patience, coupled with trust, can lead to more thoughtful and aligned decisions as you move forward on your journey.

Trusting God’s Plan

Finding balance between persistence and acceptance is one of the most profound challenges we face in life. There is immense value in persistently pursuing our goals and praying for what we deeply desire. Yet, there comes a time when spiritual maturity calls for us to recognize when the answer might be “no,” and to accept that it’s time to redirect our efforts. Understanding when to persist and when to let go requires awareness, patience, and trust in God’s greater plan.

Ultimately, whether we choose to persist or decide to let go, both paths offer unique opportunities for growth and fulfillment. Trusting in the process means recognizing that each choice, each step, brings us closer to our true purpose. God is with us in our persistence and in our acceptance, guiding us through every twist and turn. By embracing both the struggle and the surrender, we open ourselves to the full richness of life’s journey, knowing that in every decision, there is potential for spiritual growth and deeper connection with the Divine.

Put it to Practice 

1. Pray for Clarity: Turn to prayer. Ask God for guidance and clarity in your situation. Prayer helps to center your mind and open your heart to divine wisdom. 
2. Seek Counsel: Reach out to trusted individuals—whether friends, mentors, or spiritual leaders—who can provide objective advice. They may offer insights you haven’t considered or help you see your situation from a different perspective.
3. Reflect and Assess: Take time to honestly evaluate your efforts. Have you done everything within your capacity? Are you clinging to a specific outcome out of fear or stubbornness? This reflection can help you decide whether to continue or to let go.
4. Be Patient and Open: Be patient and allow time for the answers to unfold. Keep an open mind to new possibilities, trusting that the path forward will become clearer as you proceed.